WanderingDan’s Weblog

Lessons I learned from my first triathlon:

1. Know your race!! Don’t be the dumbass who waits until 2 days prior to race day to find out you are participating in what is proclaimed the ‘most difficult triathlon in the Southwest United States’ due to ‘extreme’ hills.
2. Don’t train on flat ground when you are going to be climbing 5 mile long hills in your lowest gear. (see #1)
3. Expect flies to pester you when laboriously climbing hills on your bike at 5mph in 90 degree October Arizona sun.
4. For god sake, wear sunscreen!! And not just a dab on your nose and a quick coat on your shoulders…especially if you’re going to be that asshole riding shirtless.
5. Cramps suck
6. Get out of the way of the dude wildly backstroking…he will hit you in the face.
7. ‘Carb-loading’ should be done the night before, not 3 hours prior to starting time…especially if you are all nerves. Believe me, those 2 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch will haunt you.
8. Don’t be discouraged when that douchebag Elliot flies by you on his sexy bike as he’s riding home, already having finished his race…and you are still only halfway through your bike ride…at least he is spouting encouraging words.
9. Respect Elliot, for the thousands of hours he’s dedicated to his triathlon career…and his $9,000 race bike.
10. When you’ve spent 2 ½ hours climbing hills on a bike, don’t expect your legs to run steep hills…it’s not fair to them. But if you’re going to force them anyway, don’t be surprised when your body says “fuck-you, I’m shutting down”.
11. It’s hard to digest energy gel to sustain several hours of brutal racing when you have a belly full of undigested Cinnamon Toast Crunch and coconut milk that you’ve been trying not to vom up the past 2 hours.
12. When you do finally limp across that finish line, having participated in an event way beyond your skill and conditioning level, don’t be too surprised to find the blow-up finish line thingy already broken down, and the parking lot mostly empty.
13. When they give you a 2^nd place medal for your age group, don’t get a big head: there were 2 participants in your age group…
14. It’s usually a bad idea to wear running shoes for the first time on race day.
15. Water bottles don’t like to go back into their holders when you’re biking.
16. If you take any piece of gear out of your gear box the night before, remember to put that damn thing back in.
17. HAVE FUN!!!